It's been 13 weeks since I lost my best friend and wife of 32 years. I say my best friend because we did everything together, even watching the Royals, Chiefs and KU basketball games. She started watching when she saw how much I enjoyed the games and eventually became a fan with me.
I'm still trying to cope with my loss but it's not getting better as everyone has told me that it would be. Besides, not hearing her voice or seeing her, adds to my depression which I try to cover up, but do a lousy job.
Many of my customers that come by my desk to say hello always ask how she is doing and when I tell them that she passed away I can see the sadness in their eyes and most are at a loss for words on how to express their feelings. I try putting them at ease telling them how much I appreciate their thoughts but my mind goes into immediate reminders of what she meant to me, our children and great family and I can feel the lump in my throat trying to stifle the upcoming sadness.
Going home or going to the grocery brings on more of the same questions. What can I buy that doesn't require cooking, so I end up getting a microwave meal or some kind of deli. Time, time is the answer but I really doubt if I'll be whole again.
I can't sleep more than three hours before I leave the bed for the recliner and try to finish sleeping for the night. She's not there when I reach out.
This week I'll be with the family for Thanksgiving and I know it will be hard on us all. I hope I can keep it together, I want this to be a great family get together just as she would want it to be.
I know this is sort of repetitive but trying to put into words my true feelings is not that easy for me, so please excuse my attempt of remembering the love of my life. Please have a Happy Thanksgiving and stay well.
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