A SLIGHT EXAGERATION

When I started doing blogs about three years ago they contained bits of family stuff that I thought might be entertaining or bring a smile to one's day, and they did, or at least, that's what I was told. 


Actually  the first blog was in 2007 and has continued sporatically over the years. Some of my (fans) readers have told me that the blogs are not funny anymore, they're lacking the original RONNIEISMS intent. 


They said that the commercialism of the last few blogs has turned them off. I apologize for creating those reactions but there aren't many funny things that go on at an auto dealership, however, yesterday was a special day.

One of our clients buying a vehicle was attempting to get as much for his trade that he could, pretty normal, OK? He didn't have the car with him but he left to go get it and drop  it off. The deal was made sight unseen after the client described his older vehicle as a car that had a rebuilt engine in it that made it run like new and had recently had a new paint job. It was a manual transmission but there was no trouble shifting.

The client returns in his vehicle putt putting into the lot. You could hear the grinding as the gears were having a slight problem going into the next speed. But the best was the new paint job, a nice bright red applied with a 6"paint brush, yes you're reading this correctly, painted with a brush. One of his front fenders had been pounded by a ball peen hammer in an attempt to correct a minor accident. None of these incidents came up on the Carfax when we checked. His air conditioning consisted of having the windows open since one of the handles was inoperable.

We went back to the client and told him the car was not exactly what he had described and made a different offer knowing all too well that he would cancel the deal. But, he quickly accepted with an "I'll take it" knowing full well that he was still getting more than his scrap heap was worth. I hope the junk yard doesn't damage this classic too much more.

I guess beauty is really in the eyes of the beholder.

In my attempts to recognize accents and respond with a "hello or good morning" in their original language I usually do pretty well. Since my 5 year stint in Hawaii I can recognize and respond in about 15 languages. My limited ability does not go beyond the familiarities such as hello, good morning, goodbye and thank you.

The other day I approached a couple in the lot that looked to be hispanic (not to be racial profiling) and said "ola, buenas dias. hello, good day. They looked back at me with quizzed looks and answered in broken English, "we're not Mexicans". Naturally, I apologized for my error and carried on speaking very slowly. They were from Nepal and fortunate for them I only knew a few words in Mandarin, that I didn't try.

Many of our clients are immigrants attending the surrounding universities, mostly on scholarships. They come from Eastern Europe, Asia, South America, Mexico and the majority from India and Pakistan. I'm giving up on learning the new languages because my internal RAM is full and floppy discs are long gone. Maybe I can stick a thumbdrive in one of my ears or, never mind, bad idea.

I will stick to my script and say "Welcome to Superior Toyota" and go from there.

During the last 3 or so weeks I've developed heel pain caused by plantar fasciitis so I'm walking rather gingerly with a slight limp. With the temperature on the lot in three figures I've experienced both extremes, high heat and the agony of da feet.

WHAT A BEAUTY

This is my first of hopefully many more commercial attempts at publicizing something that is a somewhat different than the ordinary.

A knowledgeable car buyer or collector would recognize its worth more than the traditional automotive buyer.

We have in our SUPERIOR TOYOTA INVENTORY A FULLY LOADED ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL  2008 LANDCRUISER. You have to see this beautiful beast to truly appreciate it. It only has about 47,000 miles but still comes with the Toyota Certified Warranty.

You can call me at 913-269-1388 or e-mail me at ron.shapiro@hendrickauto.com. Check out the photo.

A NEW CAREER

I guess that it's been about six months since I started looking for something to do, to keep me off the streets and getting in trouble. My Rapid Peddler business is still going but not as strong as it used to be.

I started going to car dealerships, about 20 of them, filling out long applications, leaving my resume, and I thought great interviews, no luck. Next, I did the same thing with auto parts business' since I had an exentsive auto parts background. Many interviews, no call backs. Was it my deodorant? Was I too short, too old, too ugly, did my wife dress me funny? I couldn't understand what was going on. Did they all know what they were missing?

I changed my resume so that it did not reveal my actual age, maybe that was it. They might have thought I couldn't handle the hours, the stress or the standing long hours.

I then started with photo operations, ie; Costco, Sam's, Wal-Mart, Target, Ritz, etc. I had experience up the yahoo, what's wrong with these people. Hadn't they heard about my wonderful smile, personality and wonderful smell of my roll on? Didn't they know about my networking, my memberships in numerous organizations or my famous author sister? I 'm a whole package.

I had just about given up and thought I would try the ministry when I saw an ad in the Sunday paper in the CAREER BUILDER section. SUPERIOR TOYOTA was looking for sales people that did not have to have previous experience in selling cars. I immediately e-mailed my resume to Mr. Ed Harris, the pre-owned manager who had placed the ad. I attached a note asking him to call me if he would like me to come in for a personal interview. Monday morning he called, an hour later I was in his office. We talked for almost an hour and I found out what kind of a person he his and decided this is the man I want to work for. He was upfront, didn't care about my age but did care about my previous sales experiences and promised to call me back whether he hired me or not.

Two days later I received the call back for interviews with other management. Happy to say, successful. The following week I was hired. Talk about being a dummy in a strange new land but that changed almost immediately. Everyone there was more than eager to help me, what a wonderful crew, the managers, the old and new salesmen, they are a team and I was now part of that team or soon would be.

I was there three days and can you believe, I sold my first car. I loved it, it brought back the excitement I remembered from past business experiences. I couldn't have done it without Brian's help but he made it happen. Walking up to people, introducing myself, hopefully making a friend and satisfied customer what a great high. I think I will do well, not so much for the money but to prove to those (Ed} that he made the right choice. I'll keep you posted.

Please make a note, for a wonderful deal give me a call at 913-269-1388.

A GREAT BALL GAME

On May 7th we went to a KC Royals game. We, consisted of my son Mike, my grandson Brad, his son Connor and daughter Alysia. Count us, four generations plus. 


I really can't explain the feelings that I experienced the entire evening. As I constantly watched them interacting with each other the shivers coursed through my body. It was hard to control the tears that I fought from appearing on my face. I kept thinking of my parents, especially my Dad, when he had taken me to Cubs games at Wrigley Field, sitting together in the sunlight in then,(they are no more) the center field bleachers.


I was so proud to have them with me that I told the lady usher for our aisle, the vendors that came by and most of the people sitting in our immediate area. This was a happening and I wanted everyone to know how lucky I was to experience my great grand kids. I could feel my Dad's presence telling me to enjoy the moment.


During the game the stadium video camera put us on the Jumbo-tron for all to see. One of the people that saw us was another family member that phoned my son to find out our location and joined us for a few innings.























By the way, The Royals won in the bottom of the ninth.

I-PAD WARNING

My wife and I received an I-Pad as a gift. We've had it about 6 months but the ownership or I should say usership is 90% she and possibly 10% me. I really don't mind that much but the knee pads that I wear when requesting a turn are wearing out. Lately though, she's allowed me to stand when asking for a time slot.

I've been reading downloaded books from the I-Pad during my daily workouts which makes the time seem to go much faster. Well, the reason for this blog is that I made a major mistake a few days ago. I was purchasing a book thru I-Tunes as I normally do but I was on her computer trying to synchronize to the I-Pad.

I must have hit the wrong button during the synchronization because all of a sudden I wiped out her apps. This is the place where your games and sites come from. As soon as I realized what I had done I went into panic mode. I had un synched, desynched, deleted, undid, etc., all of her games.

Wo to me. What could I say, should I man up and tell the truth or claim a lightning strike even though the sun was shining brightly throughout the room. Maybe it was a computer glich, after all they happen all the time.

"Honey, darling, sweety" I said. "I think I messed up your programs on the I-Pad." "Not Bejewelled Blitz!" she said. "I'm afraid so, I've been trying to get everything back, but no luck."

She told me how many points she had and that I had wiped out her best game ever. I tried to calm her down by telling her it was only a game. Shouldn't have said that. I couldn't apologize enough, no matter what I said, it didn't difuse the problem. I guess my days of using her computer for synching or anything else was over. My laptop is the one I had been using so why did I decide to use hers? Old age mental lapse, I guess. 

Now for the good part of the story. My daughter, The Apple whiz and her husband came bye in the afternoon to say Hi. Since he's been working in Washington, we hadn't seen him in over 4 months.

I told my daughter what I had done and the first thing she asked was "you have it backed up, don't you?" I didn't know if it was or not but it seems that when you synchronize it also backs up, to a degree. Long story short, my very bright daughter, who takes after me, got everything back and restored peace once again in our household.

So, if your family is getting ready to purchase an I-Pad, be warned, it's very addictive and you should buy two. My honey has resumed speaking to me again.

OUR ANNUAL FOOTBALL DINNER

Last weekend our shortened group of 15 had our annual football dinner at a beautiful restaurant in Riverside, Mo.

The ambience was beautiful and the service was great. Our single waitress worked her behind off to give us everything we requested on time and served beautifully, all except one dinner that had not finished moving before it was served.

It was wonderful sharing the evening with our closest friends whose homes we frequented during the football season. I believe our group has been together over 15 years. We've lost a few of our members but their spouses are still part of the group.

We laugh a lot, we bitch a little. seldom argue about anything but overall we act like the Seniors we are.  Most of us have aches and pains, some more than others but we still try to get out and enjoy each other's company.

Unfortunately, for the price we paid,  (too much) even though the football kitty paid the majority, the food was not up to previous visits. The food should have tasted as well as the presentation, which was beautiful. Yes, I know it's hard to please a bunch of 70-80 year olds but as much as we eat out, we know good food. Not everyone's meal was bad but all agreed it should have been much better.


The important thing was that we were together and enjoyed each other.

  

OY! WHAT A NIGHT

Once a month a group of us, usually about 16 people, evenly mixed of men and women, get together for our monthly card game, at a different home each time.

The women play pan and the men play poker. I'm not a good card player so I usually lose, not a lot, but I'm consistent. I usually have a kitty with a good friend and he wins enough to keep the kitty growing. It's always nice at the end of the night when we split whatever is in our kitty and it brings me back a little.

Anyway, this blog has to do with this last weekend's game. Before I go too much further I'll tell you that we play with a joker and we play high and low so the pots are usually split. One of my very good friends that probably plays at least 3 or 4 times a week and who I consider a good player was having a bad night.

Oh, he was getting nice cards, ie; full houses, 4 of a kind (twice, once 4 aces), pups, etc. He should have been raking it in, right? Wrong, he got beat with straight flushes, higher full houses or straights and so on. I beat him once on one of those unbeatable hands and I truly felt so bad that I apologized. But he, being the gentleman he is, tells me to forget it. I guess when you're playing poker with friends, you can't apologize for winning.

He's still one of the luckiest men I know because he's in love with one of the nicest women I know, one that I once called Ms. Cruel.

REMEMBERING TIMES

Good times and bad times, I remember many, going back over 50 years. Last night I received a phone call from probably my oldest living friend, Harry Z. from Atlanta, Ga. We spoke for about 20 minutes of many memories and what's going on in our immediate lives.

Naturally, during our conversation we started talking about our physical problems and our medications until my wife yelled at us to stop talking like two old farts, we both laughed and dropped the subject.

After the call, I started thinking of the things that I remember from my childhood until the present. Growing up on Division St. in Chicago, walking the eight blocks or so to grammer school through 6 feet of snow as I guess most everybody has experienced.

During those pre teen years I remember my Mother taking my Sister and me downtown to Marshall Fields during the Christmas holidays to see their 3 or 4 floors of toys. A great childhood memory.

Four years at Roosevelt High, a semester at Jr. College, two years in the Army, moving to Kansas City and getting married. Raising two children, getting divorced after 18 years and staying single for 10 years.

Moving to Hawaii, Aruba and working for a short time on the Windjammer ships. During those 10 years I had many experiences that I wrote about in my memoir "Making Happy". Two of those stand out in my mind. The first, when I was backpacking in the Smoky Mountains and believed that I had a conversation with the almighty. The second, when I was on my sailboat in Hawaii and we spoke again. Two very vivid memories.

Getting remarried to the most wonderful woman I have ever met and sharing almost 27 fantastic years together. Enjoying our combined family of children, grandchildren and great grand children.

Lucky to have many friends that we travel with, dine together, play and cry together but most of all laugh together.

This last week was another event added to my list of memories when a friend took me to my first KU game in Lawrence. Thanks Arnie, it was a blast and as I mentioned in Facebook, it was right up there with going to Marshall Field's.

DECISIONS, DECISIONS

The title may be a bit deceiving but as you read on you will see why I chose it.

First of all, our vacation is coming to a close after two beautiful weeks at our friend's gorgeous condo in Singer Island Fl. It's about 1500 miles from K.C. and approximately 2 1/2 days driving, especially if we have to stop along the way to see a KU game, which we'll do again tomorrow night as we start our trip north.

Eat, shop, play shanghai or dominos and repeat it daily. I've been exercising every morning  since I've been here, to offset the daily calorie intake I've been forced to injest.

The deli's here are second to none and much better than KC, since we have NONE back home. Do you think it's possible to have too much pastrami, corned beef or chopped liver. I think I've hit that plateau. However, tonight we're going to TOOJAYS for dinner.

The girls have done their fair share of adding to the Florida economy by visiting FESTIVAL, CARVIVAL, STUART, all flea markets and doing more than their part at BEALLS and BEALLS and more BEALLS a daily occurence. I've also taken part since you can't beat the deals at BEALLS.

Now comes the part about the title of this blog. One of my male companions is into (as I call them) gym shoes. He wears them a lot so he goes through them as much as a pro basketball player. He decided (the first) that he wanted a pair of the new Sketchers, you know, the ones that have the curved sole that is supposed to change your posture, you're foot comfort, your sex life and increase your height  (just your height) by two inches. I'm always afraid that I'll fall flat on my face if I tried them.

When he tried them on he said they felt great. When we returned to the condo he decided that he needed a slightly different length or width. The next day we returned to BEALLS to exchange his shoes. To cut the story a little shorter, it took five trips for him to decide to keep the same style that he was presently
wearing. I really believe that he loves shopping, but remains a little undecided.

THE BLIZZARD OF OZ (not my original)

Twelve inches of snow and a Midwest blizzard. Looking out I watched the snow pile up as it blew against my front door . Before going to bed last night I looked out to find two feet of snow accumulating.

 I was going to walk down to the fitness center at our apartment complex but the snow was coming pretty fast and the driveway was slick. I decided to drive the 50 or so feet instead of walking and possibly risking a fall. Not worth taking a chance since Saturday was our departure date for the south.

As I entered the gym as I call it, I noticed that the other 5 participants were all women. I guess the hardy guys couldn't brave the weather enough to work out. After sweating for an hour and 10 minutes I walked out to find six inches of snow on my windshield. It took about 5 minutes for the defrosters to work enough to give me an almost clear window. Went home to spend the day with my wife watching the falling snow. These days it was one of our more exciting times.

Last week we had dinner at a fairly new restaurant on 135th between Nall and Roe called 77 South. It's next door to Bonefish and features a small but very decent menu that is priced decently and features nice size servings. I gave it five belches, which is my highest mark for service, quantity ambience and quality. I met Mike Howell one of the partners who offered us discount cards for their Sunday Brunch. Buy one and get second one free. The menu looked good to me since it offered lox and bagels, my Sunday morning neccesity. We'll have to try it when we return from vacation. You may have to ask for the brunch card, it's quite a savings.

The sun is out this morning and everything is so bright as the snow reflects it's glow. I wish I had a sled. Getting onto the sled would be no problem but I would need two men and a forklift to get me up. The kids should have a few days of fun before returning to school.

I hope I'll have a chance to get my van washed before we leave, it's caked with dirt thick enough to hide it's color. Have a great day and try to smile.

I WAS NUKED!

The other evening I woke up about 12:30am which is usually my first of the night and staggered into my bathroom. The lights are off but I've learned my way in the dark due to the many evenings of practise. I leave the lights off so as not to wake my sleeping beauty.

I made it into the bathroom but I saw a strange light. It seemed to be coming from my body. We do have a small night light but that wasn't it, it was eerie. Why did I seem to be glowing? I could see all around me without the lights being turned on. I closed the door so the light wouldn't escape into our bedroom.

While sitting there, yes, I sit in the dark to keep from splashing all over the place without hitting my target, I remembered that I had taken a nuclear stress test during the day. The test lasted 5 hours starting at 9:30 and ending at 2:30.

During prep I was injected with two different chemicals or isotopes that could be seen by the camera during the scanning process of the test. After waiting about 15 minutes I was shown to a slab, it felt like one, and was instructed to lay down with my arms stretched above my head and to remain still for 20 minutes. It doesn't sound too tough but when you have two bad rotator cuffs, it's no picnic. But I survived.

We took a short break after that and I was given some peanut butter crackers since I had been fasting since last night and they wanted to make sure I didn't crash before going on.

I told the nurses that I work out for about an hour every day so the treadmill portion of the test should not be a problem. They hooked me up to the EKG machine and kept a constant check on my blood pressure which they said was actually perfect for a younger man and even better for an old fart like me. I went for the full eight minutes up all three levels and at maximum speed that I believe was about 3 mph. I guess the hours at the gym had paid off.

Before going much further I've got to tell you why I was taking the test. I have a large amount of calcium that has formed around my heart and my Dr. wanted to make sure there was no blockage that would have prompted an angio plasti procedure.

After another hour or so I was again placed in the scanner with the camera placed over my chest area. I asked if I could play some music but they explained that they did not have any. I told them that I had some albums on my Blackberry phone and could I use that? After some discussion with the main tech she agreed but it couldn't be too loud. She placed it next to my head and I listened to BURLESQUE with Cher and Christina Agulera. I was told to remain absolutely still and not to tap my fingers or feet to the music. The music actually helped to make the 20 minutes go a little faster.

We completed all the stages at 2:30 and I was told that we were finished. It was a five hour test and the only thing I knew was that I had passed the treadmill portion with flying colors but the results of the two scans would be between 5 to 7 days.

The next evening my cardiologist called to give me the GREAT news that everything was open and running perfectly. A big sigh was emitted from both my wife and me. So, I guess that eerie light was the remainder of the nuclear residue in my body or just the glow that follows me everywhere.

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