RONNIEISMS

I found something I had written about 5 years ago and as I read it I realized that maybe someone else was going through the same thing and might learn something from reading it. So here it is:

STARTING OVER Holding my great grandson in my arms brought back the feelings I had when my son, and then so many years later, my grandson, was born. My body shook and I could feel the tears swelling up. I looked at this new baby and saw my family. We were back together. The journey to this day has been filled with ups, downs, and roadblocks that many my age likely experience. And, admittedly, some of those barriers were built with my own prideful hands. My story begins five years earlier when my grandson and I worked together in my photo lab. Back then, our relationship was pretty good, in fact, better than that. Our main disagreement concerned the hours he was supposed to come to work. Probably not unusual for a 22 year old. If I told him 8 am he would show up at 8:15, 9 am, he would show up at 9:30. As much as I tried to tell him what his start time was, he just couldn’t make it on time. We had a knock down argument (well, not really, as no blows were delivered; it just felt like that in my gut) and I told him to leave. A few days later I asked him to come back, if he could be on time. He came back and performed a lot better. Not perfect but better. My wife and I been in business for 20 years and had built a very good customer base with our neighbors and everyday photographers. Our commercial photo business was also a very large part of our income and included business from the city, the local churches and schools. I was shooting and processing film of graduations, kids sport teams, business I.D. photos, special events and especially golf tournaments, which were a big part of our growth. In order to keep up with technology we invested in new digital equipment since film was being overshadowed (pardon the pun) by the new format. Our commercial customers realized that they could purchase a digital camera and do the printing right in their office on their computer printer as long as the output was good enough for their use. Eventually the digital revolution not only caught up to us, but passed us bye. Even though we had invested in the latest equipment, it was not enough to sustain our business We made a decision to close the store before we lost our home. This is where the story really starts. After the closing I found another job and kept our heads above water. I called my grandson to see how he was doing and if he had found a job. He didn’t answer my call. I tried many times to reach him but no luck, no response. I sent him e-mails, no response. One year went bye and still no contact. The worst part of all this was that I didn’t know what I had done to create this problem. It had to be something I did without knowing, what else could it be. I searched my memory, spoke to my Son and he couldn’t tell me the reason. I called his Mother, nada, nothing, I was going nuts trying to find the reason for this very strange behavior. Another year goes bye and I hear that he and his lady friend are expecting a child, my Great Grandson. Maybe now that he’s going to be a Father, he’ll talk to me. I tried the phone the e-mail, everything I could to contact him. The worst thing of all was how it was affecting my psyche. It was not knowing why, more than the communication itself. I get along with everybody. I go out of my way to be friendly and courteous to all that I meet. I was blessed with a personality that made it easy for me to talk to anyone, anyone but my grandson. Another year was going bye and my Great Grandson was born and I had not had the opportunity to see him. What could I do? I had tried all forms of communication, even sitting in my car in front of his apartment hoping to confront him. No luck. Why, why, why. What was it? What could I have done that could be so terrible as to create this situation. My son showed me photos of the baby who was soon to have his first birthday and I still had not been able to hold him. He is the fourth generation of my family and we hadn’t met. I finally realized after 3 years that I was going about it the wrong way. Forget the reason, start over and not mention or ask what had triggered this problem. In fact, I thought to myself, maybe he doesn’t remember and is too embarrassed to call. Life is really too short and families should not be separated for any reason. It was up to me to make the first move, after all, I was the oldest. I called and left a message that we had to get together and start over. I promised to not ask why or what had caused the problem. We would start over from this day and forget yesterday. It worked, he returned my call and we made plans to meet for lunch. He would bring the baby and his girl friend and we would have a family reunion, as if none of this had ever happened. We met, had lunch, good conversation and I was finally able to hold my Great Grandson. I held him in my arms and all of the feelings I had when my son was born and my Grandson , came into my body. I started to get emotional, my body shook and I could feel the tears swelling up, I’m entitled. I looked at him and saw my family. We were back together and Starting Over.